Sonomabuzz

As my grandfather’s son lay dying this is the story I whispered in his ear.
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My father was my grandfather’s son.
The grandfather said to his son,
“I need to see that son of yours.”
My father’s son went with his father
to see his grandfather as he lay dying.
The grandfather said to the boy
as his father stood by his side,
“I see greatness in you. You can do something great.
I want you to know that.”

Emotionally and physically and in many ways of being in this world
My father’s son saw in his father the goodness and the foibles as only a son can see.
My father’s son learned hard work and respect and decorum.
My father’s son stepped back and stepped aside as time and distance and detachment proved more powerful than blood and expectations.

The years moved on and the greatness may have emerged.
My father’s son also lived the heritage of a people who did not express emotion easily.
Precision and accuracy, and even humility, were manifest.
However, emotional honesty was masked by words, or, no words.

My father’s son knew of the father’s good deeds.
And time showed the power of prayer.
Yet personal access drifted away and connectedness was lost.
My father’s son saw his father try too hard to reconnect.
The father could not admit to judgment or misdeeds.

My father’s son lost his connectedness to his father;
not his love or appreciation of his father’s goodness,
but a connection was lost,
perhaps given up by both these men.

My father’s son mourns his father’s loss and honors him.
My father’s son regrets his father missed some unspoken thing,
because he could not say it, or did not know how.
My father’s son would be genuine in saying, “I will still strive for that greatness.”

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><> 06/16/12

Somewhere in California
A night bird sings in the middle of the day
Like a prayer on the wind
The song flies up to heaven

Somewhere in California
A butterfly struggles
To pass through time
To a distant land

Somewhere a love
Which is long and deep
Breathes a sigh
As the loved one sleeps

Somewhere there are the last steps of a long journey
To reach where the power of prayer
Is not obscured
By the limits of the body and mind

A soul’s journey
To lift and give and strive
To join the goodness
Which is the birthright
Of all men and women

Somewhere my father dies
Somewhere my mother cries
And prays
Somewhere my sisters and brothers stand by

Somewhere I sit
Somewhere I cry
Somewhere in California

Somewhere in California
The mountains rise
And the mountains break down

Somewhere on the western shore
The rivers flow down to the sea
The people move and live
And struggle

Somewhere in California
A man moves on
To join the world of spirit
Somewhere in California
<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><> 06/27/12

In the end all the dreams just scatter
Like a kaleidoscope that lost its symmetry
Across time and space no matter what humans think
In the end potential flows every which way

What might have been and what had to be
Blend in memory like history
The truth or the perception matters not to me
Now has passed into the past
That neither grief nor sorrow nor wishes nor prayers can renew

In the end all the dreams just scatter
So vivid in our sleep, or the days of youth,
As time and distance mix together
To form imagined dreams and foggy memory

The past has flown down past the shore
Though no one is standing there
All are in the river of scattered light
Moving on like a kaleidoscope
That was never meant to have symmetry

Time swirls in eddies mixing hopes and dreams
The light of deep pools of thoughts gathered once
Evaporate as some relationships do.
Upstream gathered together
Then downstream mists of thought

Down to the sea of being flow our dreams
Some complete; some unfulfilled
As water distorts the light
so time or thought erodes our dreams together
In the end all the dreams have scattered

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><> 07/17/12

The grace of the Creator finds the souls
The father who did the best he could
May his soul rest in peace
The young woman who struggled and strived and fell to evil
May her soul rest in peace
The child who lost her life from the death brought by war
May her soul rest in peace
The son, the daughter, the child, the adult
The joy and the sorrow that will not be known
Because their souls rest in peace
May their souls rest in peace
May their life’s lessons be made clear to the souls yet to find peace

[All Souls’ mass at St. Rose]

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><> 11/04/12